Build Bridges not Barriers
Building Bridges vs Barriers
I love the movie “Emperors New Groove”. It is such an underrated and hilarious movie! For those of you who may have missed it, it’s a Disney movie that flopped pretty hard in the late 90’s, but that was largely due to poor marketing and a disastrous behind the scenes story. There’s a moment when the bad guys get a clue from a squirrel about the whereabouts of the heroes. The squirrel doesn’t talk though. One of the bad guys knows how to talk to squirrels because of his time in their world’s version of “boy scouts”. See? Hilarious! As the two are talking, the human, Kronk, talks about the other villain, Ezma, and confides in the squirrel about a “wall” between the two villains. These two villains are supposed to be united in the pursuit of the good guys and it takes a squirrel to reveal the cracks in their team dynamic. See? Even more hilarious!
I guess it stops being funny once we realize there are cracks in our own team. I remember watching this movie for the first time with my friends. I laughed so hard and knew that I had to show it to my dad. We rented it that following Friday for family movie night. He loved that movie. I knew my dad’s sense of humor and knew he would love it. This was 3rd grade. As the years went on, the “wall” between my dad and I grew bigger and bigger. We would fight all the way through high school. We would get in screaming matches. My dad would say some of the ugliest stuff to me about me or my friends. He had zero interest in understanding what interested me, he only wanted me to not be like him. My mom would confront him about his conduct with me and he would respond “This is what I went through when I was a kid and he will too.” Do you see the irony? He doesn’t want me to be like him, yet he wants me to go through the same thing? My house was a wonderful example of a divided household. It was brutal for many years.
He knew their thoughts, so he said, “Any kingdom divided by civil war is doomed. A family splintered by feuding will fall apart.
- Luke 11:17 NLT
This scripture is a rebuke to the Pharisees when they said that he must be from the devil to cast out devils. Jesus showed us some very deep and profound things in this verse. First off, the kingdom of Heaven is not divided. Jesus knew that the ultimate victory will go to God the Father. This also mean the devil is no fool. The forces of hell are united just as strong. The mere idea of “civil war” came from human reasoning in this scripture. It’s so easy for us to fall into division as humans. The devil knows how powerful unity is, so of course that would be a major strategy employed in getting us, as humans, to be a wreck. There’s divisions in the church. There’s division between who plays what video game console. There’s division politically in our nation. There’s division at home. How can any of it stand? There has to be a call for unity and it starts at home. Are there walls between you and your kids? Is there fighting between you guys? Or do you simply just not talk? I’ve noticed some parents will say “they’ll” talk to me when they’re ready. Meanwhile your kid is saying “they’ve got a lot going on, I don’t want to be a burden”. There’s a wall there. Neither side addresses it and it leads to destruction.
I have good news for you. You are a parent on purpose! This means you have all right to open up a conversation. You have all reason to get to know your kids. Think about the reasons you were silent as a kid. What kept the walls between you and your parent? What do you wish they would have done/ said? For me, I wish my dad would have been interested in what I was interested in. Or at a minimum acted like it. Some of you wish you would have felt heard? What would have made you feel heard? Or some of you wish you felt seen. How could your parents have “seen” you better?
And the LORD answered me, and said, Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it.
- Habakkuk 2:2 KJV
This MAY be annoying, but get a vision for what the best parent would do. How would they act? How would they respond to their kids? How would they build bridges to their kids not barriers? What kind of bridges would they build? Now go and be that parent. You may not do it right every day. You might mess up a lot, but at least you’re making progress. Keep that vision in the forefront of your mind. Keep those behaviors written out in front of you so you can run with full speed across those bridges and bring unity to your house. Moreover there is a promise that God gives for the sake because of unity. Read Psalm 133. (It’s very short) and let God show you the blessing that he wants to bring to your household for the sake of Unity.
HOMEWORK:
1. Get a vision for being a parent and write it down.
2. Be that Parent.
3. Read Psalm 133 with someone you want to be united with (i.e. your spouse)
4. Build bridges with your kids and spouse.
5. And lastly, just like Ronald Reagan said “TEAR DOWN THAT WALL!”
You got this! God has anointed you for this job! You were made for such a time as this!
I love the movie “Emperors New Groove”. It is such an underrated and hilarious movie! For those of you who may have missed it, it’s a Disney movie that flopped pretty hard in the late 90’s, but that was largely due to poor marketing and a disastrous behind the scenes story. There’s a moment when the bad guys get a clue from a squirrel about the whereabouts of the heroes. The squirrel doesn’t talk though. One of the bad guys knows how to talk to squirrels because of his time in their world’s version of “boy scouts”. See? Hilarious! As the two are talking, the human, Kronk, talks about the other villain, Ezma, and confides in the squirrel about a “wall” between the two villains. These two villains are supposed to be united in the pursuit of the good guys and it takes a squirrel to reveal the cracks in their team dynamic. See? Even more hilarious!
I guess it stops being funny once we realize there are cracks in our own team. I remember watching this movie for the first time with my friends. I laughed so hard and knew that I had to show it to my dad. We rented it that following Friday for family movie night. He loved that movie. I knew my dad’s sense of humor and knew he would love it. This was 3rd grade. As the years went on, the “wall” between my dad and I grew bigger and bigger. We would fight all the way through high school. We would get in screaming matches. My dad would say some of the ugliest stuff to me about me or my friends. He had zero interest in understanding what interested me, he only wanted me to not be like him. My mom would confront him about his conduct with me and he would respond “This is what I went through when I was a kid and he will too.” Do you see the irony? He doesn’t want me to be like him, yet he wants me to go through the same thing? My house was a wonderful example of a divided household. It was brutal for many years.
He knew their thoughts, so he said, “Any kingdom divided by civil war is doomed. A family splintered by feuding will fall apart.
- Luke 11:17 NLT
This scripture is a rebuke to the Pharisees when they said that he must be from the devil to cast out devils. Jesus showed us some very deep and profound things in this verse. First off, the kingdom of Heaven is not divided. Jesus knew that the ultimate victory will go to God the Father. This also mean the devil is no fool. The forces of hell are united just as strong. The mere idea of “civil war” came from human reasoning in this scripture. It’s so easy for us to fall into division as humans. The devil knows how powerful unity is, so of course that would be a major strategy employed in getting us, as humans, to be a wreck. There’s divisions in the church. There’s division between who plays what video game console. There’s division politically in our nation. There’s division at home. How can any of it stand? There has to be a call for unity and it starts at home. Are there walls between you and your kids? Is there fighting between you guys? Or do you simply just not talk? I’ve noticed some parents will say “they’ll” talk to me when they’re ready. Meanwhile your kid is saying “they’ve got a lot going on, I don’t want to be a burden”. There’s a wall there. Neither side addresses it and it leads to destruction.
I have good news for you. You are a parent on purpose! This means you have all right to open up a conversation. You have all reason to get to know your kids. Think about the reasons you were silent as a kid. What kept the walls between you and your parent? What do you wish they would have done/ said? For me, I wish my dad would have been interested in what I was interested in. Or at a minimum acted like it. Some of you wish you would have felt heard? What would have made you feel heard? Or some of you wish you felt seen. How could your parents have “seen” you better?
And the LORD answered me, and said, Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it.
- Habakkuk 2:2 KJV
This MAY be annoying, but get a vision for what the best parent would do. How would they act? How would they respond to their kids? How would they build bridges to their kids not barriers? What kind of bridges would they build? Now go and be that parent. You may not do it right every day. You might mess up a lot, but at least you’re making progress. Keep that vision in the forefront of your mind. Keep those behaviors written out in front of you so you can run with full speed across those bridges and bring unity to your house. Moreover there is a promise that God gives for the sake because of unity. Read Psalm 133. (It’s very short) and let God show you the blessing that he wants to bring to your household for the sake of Unity.
HOMEWORK:
1. Get a vision for being a parent and write it down.
2. Be that Parent.
3. Read Psalm 133 with someone you want to be united with (i.e. your spouse)
4. Build bridges with your kids and spouse.
5. And lastly, just like Ronald Reagan said “TEAR DOWN THAT WALL!”
You got this! God has anointed you for this job! You were made for such a time as this!
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