Building Bridges vs Barriers

I love the movie “Emperors New Groove”. It is such an underrated and hilarious movie! For those of you who may have missed it, it’s a Disney movie that flopped pretty hard in the late 90’s, but that was largely due to poor marketing and a disastrous behind the scenes story. There’s a moment when the bad guys get a clue from a squirrel about the whereabouts of the heroes. The squirrel doesn’t talk though. One of the bad guys knows how to talk to squirrels because of his time in their world’s version of “boy scouts”. See? Hilarious! As the two are talking, the human, Kronk, talks about the other villain, Ezma, and confides in the squirrel about a “wall” between the two villains. These two villains are supposed to be united in the pursuit of the good guys and it takes a squirrel to reveal the cracks in their team dynamic. See? Even more hilarious!
I guess it stops being funny once we realize there are cracks in our own team. I remember watching this movie for the first time with my friends. I laughed so hard and knew that I had to show it to my dad. We rented it that following Friday for family movie night. He loved that movie. I knew my dad’s sense of humor and knew he would love it. This was 3rd grade. As the years went on, the “wall” between my dad and I grew bigger and bigger. We would fight all the way through high school. We would get in screaming matches. My dad would say some of the ugliest stuff to me about me or my friends. He had zero interest in understanding what interested me, he only wanted me to not be like him. My mom would confront him about his conduct with me and he would respond “This is what I went through when I was a kid and he will too.” Do you see the irony? He doesn’t want me to be like him, yet he wants me to go through the same thing? My house was a wonderful example of a divided household. It was brutal for many years.

He knew their thoughts, so he said, “Any kingdom divided by civil war is doomed. A family splintered by feuding will fall apart.
- Luke 11:17 NLT

This scripture is a rebuke to the Pharisees when they said that he must be from the devil to cast out devils. Jesus showed us some very deep and profound things in this verse. First off, the kingdom of Heaven is not divided. Jesus knew that the ultimate victory will go to God the Father. This also mean the devil is no fool. The forces of hell are united just as strong. The mere idea of “civil war” came from human reasoning in this scripture. It’s so easy for us to fall into division as humans. The devil knows how powerful unity is, so of course that would be a major strategy employed in getting us, as humans, to be a wreck. There’s divisions in the church. There’s division between who plays what video game console. There’s division politically in our nation. There’s division at home. How can any of it stand? There has to be a call for unity and it starts at home. Are there walls between you and your kids? Is there fighting between you guys? Or do you simply just not talk? I’ve noticed some parents will say “they’ll” talk to me when they’re ready. Meanwhile your kid is saying “they’ve got a lot going on, I don’t want to be a burden”. There’s a wall there. Neither side addresses it and it leads to destruction.
I have good news for you. You are a parent on purpose! This means you have all right to open up a conversation. You have all reason to get to know your kids. Think about the reasons you were silent as a kid. What kept the walls between you and your parent? What do you wish they would have done/ said? For me, I wish my dad would have been interested in what I was interested in. Or at a minimum acted like it. Some of you wish you would have felt heard? What would have made you feel heard? Or some of you wish you felt seen. How could your parents have “seen” you better?

And the LORD answered me, and said, Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it.
- Habakkuk 2:2 KJV

This MAY be annoying, but get a vision for what the best parent would do. How would they act? How would they respond to their kids? How would they build bridges to their kids not barriers? What kind of bridges would they build? Now go and be that parent. You may not do it right every day. You might mess up a lot, but at least you’re making progress. Keep that vision in the forefront of your mind. Keep those behaviors written out in front of you so you can run with full speed across those bridges and bring unity to your house. Moreover there is a promise that God gives for the sake because of unity. Read Psalm 133. (It’s very short) and let God show you the blessing that he wants to bring to your household for the sake of Unity.

HOMEWORK:
1. Get a vision for being a parent and write it down.
2. Be that Parent.
3. Read Psalm 133 with someone you want to be united with (i.e. your spouse)
4. Build bridges with your kids and spouse.
5. And lastly, just like Ronald Reagan said “TEAR DOWN THAT WALL!”

You got this! God has anointed you for this job! You were made for such a time as this!

"Direct your children onto the right path,
and when they are older, they will not leave it."
 - Proverbs 22:6

Today, let's start out with some qualifications:
- I have been involved in youth ministry for a decade. I have been a Youth Pastor for a little over half that time. I know how to ask good questions, I know how to get conversations started, and I know how pray. When it comes to youth ministry that's all I know.
- You, as a youth parent, have been a parent for a minimum of 11 years. You've known your youth student for a minimum of 11 years. This means you have more experience with your youth student than I ever will. You know how they act all the time.
I have three young children and how they act in public is WAY nicer than how they act at home. I only know your youth student as well as I can from a Sunday morning or a Wednesday night. This is why I had to learn how to ask good questions and get conversations started. I have limited time with them so I need to get the ball rolling as quickly as possible. You have the advantage, and Proverbs 22:6 empowers you to parent, lead, direct, and discipline your student so they stay on the right path.
Disqualification is one of the hardest things for us to deal with. I know for me, I look at my life with a wife, three kids, a dog, and a house and I will sometimes think, "I'm not qualified for this! I still feel like a dumb 20 year old." (for the record I'm in my mid 30's). No matter how I feel, I still need to be the best husband I can be (even though I don't know how), be the best dad I can be (good luck), clean up dog poop, and pay my bills responsibly. The dog poop is the only thing I feel qualified to do!

"It is not that we think we are qualified to do anything on our own. Our qualification comes from God."
 - 2 Corinthians 3:5

For those of us who wrestle with feeling qualified, here is our answer. God does it. God gives us the wisdom, power, authority, you name it. It all comes from God. This means we need to shift the way we minister to our family. It's so easy to disqualify ourselves as parents whether it's because we don't understand the obsession with the phones or video games, or because we don't think we are "cool" enough to relate to our kids. These arguments come because we are looking at ourselves to lead rather than seeking God for wisdom on how to lead. If God qualifies us, then that's exactly where we need to look for our answers. I believe God wants to empower you with the right questions to ask your student. God wants to give you clever ways to get conversations started with them. God wants to show you how to lead your student so effectively that when they are older they won't depart from the way they should go.
The first verse we read today is in Proverbs. If you feel like you're lacking wisdom, this is a great place to start. Because the Bible is a living document that brings life to new words every time we read it, God will be faithful to highlight scripture to you to help you in leading and guiding your student.

"All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right."
 - 2 Timothy 3:16

Moreover, God is so ready to give you wisdom for any situation you're facing off with.

"If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking."
 - James 1:5

You were made for this. Even in the times you feel the least capable of parenting, God made you for this. Moreover, he equipped you with the tools you need to succeed at whatever you put your hand to.

- Prayer -
Dear Jesus, I need your help with these kids! God, you're the father. Show me how to be the best parent. Even though I feel like I'm lacking or disqualified, give me the strength and wisdom to lead my kid well. Show me how to direct them on the path that they should go. I pray that you keep them. Keep your hand on them as they grow. I pray they walk in the wy that you direct their steps. Thank you for your wisdom and thank you for qualifying me! Thank you that I am made for this because of you.
Amen.

"and the inhabitants of one city will go to another and say, 'Let us go at once to entreat the LORD and seek the LORD Almighty. I myself am going."
 - Zechariah 8:21

We just came back from youth camp and it was incredible. If you are a parent who sent your student to camp, I want to thank you for your investment into your student and your family. If you weren't able to send your student this year, I would highly recommend making it a priority next year.
At youth camp, this year, we had a majority of students get baptized in the Holy Spirit and speak in tongues for the first time. We had several first time salvations. Two of them are notable because they are grandchildren of one of our youth leaders who has been praying for them since they stepped into youth two years ago. to seal the deal, they got baptized the night we got back from camp. Another student operated in his spiritual gift of healing for the first time and was able to pray over his friend at camp and see their ankle healed. Another student who struggles with fitting in and wrestles deep insecurities was set free at camp and shared a testimony from camp in front of everyone last Sunday.
At Winter Encounter for our high schoolers, we had students set free from depression. Others heard clearly from God for the first time. Others got a clear vision from God about what they are called to do. Several students started flowing in the prophetic and started prophesying over each other. The time in worship was so deep and intimate that students were being convicted and started to repent of the what they were doing back home so they could focus on God. Our youth camps are powerful.
There is so much purpose in going away to seek God. Jesus would do this often. He would leave the crowds and even his disciples to pray and seek God. That is the experience we are looking to create at Youth Camp. As parents you get the privilege to continue this experience with God at home. Encourage them to keep taking time away to seek God. Bring them to YouthX at the end of every month. The goal of these is to make the Youth Camp experience happen closer to home. I would encourage you to take a step deeper and debrief with your student about youth camp. Make it an intentional time with them. Don't just ask "How was youth camp". Here's how you can get started:

1. What was your favorite moment at youth camp?
2. What was a moment that made you laugh?
3. What did your friends think of youth camp?
4. Who preached your favorite message?
5. Why?
6. What did they talk about?
7. How are you applying this now that you're back from camp?
8. Was there any specific encounter you had with God while you were there?
9. Is there anything else you'd like to share?

I recommend these questions roughly in this order because they aren't "no brainer" questions that they can simply dismiss by saying "good" and "I dunno". Sit and wait for them to answer, and don't be afraid of awkward silences. As their brain starts going the questions get deeper and you get better answers. As you're having this conversation be prayerful and let God lead you. There will be follow up steps for you as a parent on how to lead them for the rest of the year. Do everything you can to stoke the fire and show them how you stoke your own fire. You got this! You were made for this!

The Lyin’ Lion

8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.
1 Peter 5:8

It’s truly amazing how God made each and every one of us. We are all so different. The way we think, act, laugh, play, work, love, parent, etc. It’s all so different and it’s also very much on purpose. In the beginning God said “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness;” and from that God made both men and women. God is infinitely wide and infinitely deep, and it won’t be until heaven that we begin to grasp that level of infinity. We can have a glimpse of that here on earth, though, when we look around at all the people around us. As different as we are from one another, God is that expansive! Sometimes we get caught in a trap though. Instead of celebrating our differences and marveling at Gods workmanship we fall into the trap of comparison. We look to other people and think and wish we are as good as them or we fall into the other trap and think how much better we are than other people. Either way we have fallen into a trap that the Devil laid out for us and we didn’t even realize we were falling in. When we read this verse, that word “prowl” stands out. That’s a sneaky word, it’s not one that’s bold and proud, rather, it’s dangerous and quiet.

So how does this apply to me as a parent of a youth student? Let’s start on the simple side. How often do you feel like you’ve failed as a parent? Do you feel like a failure right now? What dictates that failure? Is it because you’re comparing yourself to another family? If you’ve fallen into the trap of comparing yourself and your family to others around you, it’s time to set yourself free. Jesus isn’t in heaven calling you failure, instead He’s interceding on your behalf. Maybe you’ve done something as a parent that you’re embarrassed about. Let the Holy Spirit correct you and guide you. As we seek the Holy Spirit as a parent it gives us a chance to get out of the weeds and see your family situation from the perspective that heaven has of you and your family.

YOU GOT THIS! Don’t let the devil beat you up and eat you up. The other word I love in this verse is towards the end. “seeking whom he MAY devour”. This means that somewhere in this process we give permission to fall into his traps. We work really hard to teach our kids to ask “Mother, may I” and we give permission to them yes or no.

13 You shall tread upon the lion and the cobra,
The young lion and the serpent you shall trample underfoot.
Psalm 91:13
 
So when this stupid Lion, our enemy, comes prowling we exercise our authority to NOT fall into his trap. He’s prowling around seeking whom he MAY devour and we simply say, “No you MAY not, now get under my foot!”

God loves you and your family so much that he sent his Son, Jesus, to die for you. He died for the forgiveness of our sins, for salvation, and to give us the Holy Spirit to dwell in us and guide us. It’s time to seek the Spirit and let him speak. Follow what the voice of God says and watch your family go to new levels!

My kids are terrified of the dark. I don’t know why, or who taught them that it’s okay to be afraid of the dark. I actually prefer a dark house at night, so I know it wasn’t me. It’s frustrating, though, arguing with them over how much the door needs to be cracked at night as I put them to bed. When I’m frustrated with my kids, I often think about how God the Father would react to me in my silly fears. God never taught me to be insecure, though I am. He forgives our sins, but I still relive my past mistakes. These struggles often tempt me to lead out of fear. I think, “I don’t want them to make the same mistakes I did,” or “What if they end up in a scenario that they don’t know how to get out of?” or “If I don’t toughen them up now, they won’t be able to handle what the world will throw at them.” Most of these arguments are founded in fear. Whether it’s the fear of the unknown for them or the fear of repeating the same mistakes. Like it or not, we often will see ourselves in our children. For some of us, that absolutely terrifies us.

So how do we get out? While we were not given a manual on how to raise our kids, God has given us a manual on how to lead ourselves well.

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.”
2 Timothy 1:7 NLT

Some of us have operated in fear for so long that we don’t know what life would look like without it. When we focus on the fear, it will only breed more fear. Fear of our children’s future, fear of not being in control, or maybe even the fear of being left behind. If we focus on fear, the terror will grow, and the arguments for those fears will get stronger and louder.

This verse also mentions “timidity.” Have you ever been afraid to talk to your kids? Or afraid to say what needs to be said? What about breaching conversations with your children that you have never had before?

I love this verse because it clearly tells us what God has given us, and that He’s empowered us to act in it. Let’s boldly open these conversational doors. Let’s confidently say what needs to be said as parents. Don’t just go in “guns-a-blazin” but let’s lead the way the Bible says, with power, love, and self-discipline.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us…
Ephesians 3:20 NLT

When we focus on the power of God that He’s given us, we can see that there is nothing that can stand in our way. With His power, we can do immeasurably more that we could ask or think. 1 Corinthians 13 describes God’s love. It also shows us how we can walk in love with our children. With patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, the list goes on. Lastly, God empowers us to be self-disciplined. We don’t understand self-discipline until we submit ourselves to the discipline of our Father. Hebrews 12 talks about how important discipline is from God the Father, and relates it to the discipline we receive as children.

God wants to take our children further than we could ask, think, or imagine with His power, and we will see this happen as we use God’s love in the midst of disciplining our children. This means we no longer need to lead our families from a place of fear, but instead we can walk in the spirit of power, love, and self-discipline.